rhnyc season 3 episode 4

this episode truly made me want to vomit. worse, it made me want to stop blogging about the show. or even worse, it made me want to stop watching the show. sure we all like a little drama, but you know it's too much when you can't even keep track of who hates who, because it's changing every 20 seconds. so with this entry, i won't even bother recapping the dozens of fights this episode, because i'm just hoping by next week they will fade away like the bad hang over the wives must have had after jill's party.

a few notes though:

• i love ramona's logic that if someone invites you somewhere just to be nice, the polite thing to do is to actually go.
  
• i wanna be at that perez hilton party!! perez in a dress, christian siriano, and drag queens! oh my!
• according to ramona and alex, "not taking sides" actually means "playing both sides."
• i kind of hate myself for not hating kelly so much anymore, but she is making a conscious effort to not look like such a self absorbed, ignorant bimbo. and she did make the first move to reconcile with bethenny, which got good points in my book.
• the one scene i actually loved was of course the book shoot with jill and her mom. favorite gloria quote: "can you move that fan away from me? its blowing on my breast."
• i love bethenny's impression of luann ("you really need to talk to jill"). i never noticed luann had a man voice, but bethenny did!
  
• ok so i have this running tally in my head of "rich points", as i am trying to figure out who of them has the most money. well jill's private saks party got MAJOR "rich points." i mean, that would have been extravagant for a very wealthy person's wedding reception. jill just does this for fun.
• i think i've mentioned before how much i hate alex's laugh, but now i officially hate her "cry" too.
• i am really curious about kelly's lop sided boobs. i might have to look that up.
  

i wont even discuss the lack of civilized conversation at the saks party. the thing that i always liked about this show over the other versions of housewives was that they were classy. most of them have actually had some education and are smart, savvy, and charitable. this episode was not classy, and i hope bravo realizes that the last thing it needs is another screaming match reality show.

antm cycle 14 episode 3

this week's episode returned to the usual top model challenge/ photo shoot format, which was actually kind of disappointing because it also marked a return to the painfully obvious post-production editing "foreshadowing". i dont think we heard a single interview that wasn't from the bottom four this week (ren, brenda, anslee, and simone). it was obvious throughout the episode that ren and stimp-- i mean brenda were going to be in the bottom two, anslee was going to be close to the bottom because she needed to punished for being such a b this week, and simone just wants it soooo bad, so they had to make things a little harder for her (i still love her though).

so the show opens (after the obligatory opening interviews with ren and stimp-- i mean brenda, who we know right away will later be the bottom two), with a fashion trivia game show hosted by the fabulous toccara, who btw is nowhere near plus size anymore, but damn, girl looks good! i usually hate challenges on top model, but that's because they're usually ridiculous, like relay races through walmart or maneuvering through laser beams in a faux bank vault. this seemed pretty obviously relevant though, and was also entertaining, especially since the questions were so easy that even i could shout out the answers. go me! the winners got some money to spend at bluefly.com, as well as a go-see to be in the bluefly spring campaign. among the winning group were simone, who killed it and won the challenge, and angelea, who is doing well in the competition i think because the judges are on acid. seriously. i can think of no other explanation. but we'll get to that later. in the meantime, angelea's poses at the go-see made me snort my dinner. i couldn't get a screenshot for this entry, but if you didn't notice, go back and watch again.

the drama portion of the episode mostly centered around ren saying how much she DIDN'T like drama, while simultaneously creating it. even though she talks and acts like she's been sedated with horse tranquilizers, i kinda thought she had a chance. i mean her picture last week was fierce (hey, as long as i'm blogging about top model, i can use that word, ok??). but this episode, she just stank whiny teenager. i mean cmon, the "meee... and my mooom don't like....get along" made me want the pre-therapy angelea to throw some beer in her face.

for a second, i thought the "dance" photoshoot was going to be like one of the many disastrous dance challenges on top model, but luckily it only involved using dance as inspiration, and not actually dancing. because one thing we've learned from top model is that models cannot dance for shit. so anyway, from the pics on the CW site, it looks like there was an entire scene where the girls were being taught their dances, and it looked pretty entertaining. i would have much rather watched that than be put to sleep by ren's whining.


but instead, we skipped straight to the shoot, during which jay was particularly tough. i found it a little difficult to watch after a while. did anyone else notice that nearly every girl needed a little post-production wardrobe malfunction blur coverup? i wonder if you just can't show cleavage on network television anymore. before we get to the shots, can we just talk for a second about tyra's outfit this week.


ok. is this her response to lady gaga? maybe it's her secret desire to be a race other than what she is. whatever the reason, this tapered, flesh-tone space pajama jump suit may be the worst thing we've seen her wear on top model, and that's saying something.

on to the photos. everything seemed on it's head this week. up was down, left was right, alasia was good, simone was bad, what is happening??? angelea seems to be escaping the wrath of editors, otherwise im sure we would see some more buffalo-style profanity. what we do see, however, is that she is having a very hard time with bangs (and ps. angelea, if its a weave you can't grow them out), and that someone in top model wardrobe hates her:


if i saw this girl at a punk show, i think i would throw her into an actual mosh pit, just to see how those stilletos hold up against steel toed doc martins. but the shoes aren't nearly as offensive as the top hat. is this really what people in fashion think of as punk rock? styling aside (which is not her fault, unless she really did piss off her wardrobe stylist), i still am not taking the same drugs the judges are to see what they see in this girl. someone mentioned this episode that jessica is too skinny. um look at that whacked out arm!! not to mention her face also looks completely skeletal. and honey, even clenching your weak little fists won't hide the fact that you have man hands.

still, the judges and i are in agreement on worst pic this week, and that goes to ren (ok random side note: after thinking once again that my spell checker is on crack, i learned that "agreeance" is not an actual word. in fact, according to urban dictionary its what stupid people say instead of agreement. i need to read more).


this is a dance move i am unfamiliar with. oh wait! its totally "the roof! the roof! the roof is on fire!" probably not the one she was going for. poor girl was only doing this for her mom's approval, but i can think of a few more things my mom would want me to do besides top model.

there were some decent photos this week, but that's not nearly as entertaining to write about, and i am kind of avoiding eating my words about alasia. im not sold, but she did make some serious progress and pulled out a good photo despite a really strange dress. what was up with wardrobe this week??


next week: ugh is vamp still cool? i live out of the country so it's hard to keep up, but i really thought that fad would have passed by now. looking forward to some very cheesy/ hokey vampire gimmicks. night, all!

rhnyc season 3 episode 3

per request (and yes, i do take requests) i have decided to blog about this season of real housewives of new york city. i would like to preface this post by saying that i do not ONLY watch trashy reality television. in fact, i watch comparatively little, and i am very selective about the shows i do watch. aside from top model, i stay away from everything on basic cable, mtv, vh1, and e! network, which pretty much leaves bravo, of which i only follow a couple shows... maybe three. thats my story, and im stickin' to it!

although i loved the first two seasons of real housewives, this season is kind of disappointing. the fame seems to have gotten to them, and everything just seems a little contrived. the biggest disappointment is that bethenny, my favorite character and in many ways my only reason for watching the show, has turned into a vacuous stepford wife. even though it seems a little fake that the rest of the cast has decided to team up against her, i cant say i entirely blame them.

ok, getting to this weeks episode. kelly: i dont see what the big conflict is between modeling in playboy and being a mother. it really did not need to be made into such an issue, by kelly or her castmates. the conversation kelly had with her kids only needed to go like this: mommy has a job to model for a magazine that is only for grownups, and you can see it when you're older. end of discussion. this of course, would not be nearly as entertaining as the conversation that actually happened. first of all, i was ecstatic that they have finally decided to show kelly's kids on the show, because i was starting to think maybe she had made them up. and given what a thoughtless blubbering idiot their mother is, they were actually quite articulate and hilarious! so kelly says, "what are you going to say to your friends at school when they ask about your mom in playboy?" response: "that you're a bad parent." then kelly asks if they are "ok with it." response: "when you're wearing a shirt or a dress, then im ok with it." and this from a seven year old!! genius. basically, kelly got told by her 7 and 9 year old kids. you can't write tv like that, folks.

this season is showing a new side of luann. everything we've ever seen from her has been "a countess does this" and "a countess does that." so what does someone who used to be a countess, who, let's face it, is no longer a countess do? its clear that since her divorce she is having an epic identity crisis. her unearned sense of superiority really got to me last season, but now i just feel bad for her. the fact that she is even acknowledging the drama with mario, let alone participating in it, is a sign of how lost she is. because the old luann would have let the chickens fight it out, while she stood back reminding everyone her name is "countess de leseppes" and refusing to drink beer from a bottle.

alex and simon seem to be very smart this season. they know how they have been portrayed in the past, and i think now they are playing their cards right. they've got the parenting book coming out, and they are positioning themselves to be portrayed as the sensible, responsible parents. and i gotta say im kinda buying it. they also seem to be enjoying being the neutral parties in the drama that is transpiring around them, because in a way that gives them all the power. i cant say yet that i like them now, but they do seem to be taking the high road approach to reality television, and i think that's laudable. side note: alex looks good this season. she finally figured out how to pull a brush through her hair, and is actually pulling off a quasi-nicole kidman look. another side note: the "this is my day gay, and simon is my night gay... i mean guy!" slip seemed too true to be funny. bravo watching gays everywhere are shouting at their tvs: "I TOLD YOU SO!"


i know there's a lot of fake fluff on reality television, but i believe the ongoing fight between jill and bethenny is very real. you can call them a lot of things, but they are loud jewish ladies who wear their hearts on their sleeves, and fake they are not. its hard for me to judge who is at fault here, because the whole thing started off camera before they started filming for the show. my guess is that bethenny has a simple case of "new boyfriend-itis" (symptoms include being overly self-indulgent and blowing off your friends), which was followed by jill maybe not handling that so well, which was followed by bethenny blowing off jill and ultimately hurting her feeilngs. of course jill is overreacting, but if bethenny really cared about the friendship, she would have cleared the air a long time ago. i also find it absurd that bethenny expects people to believe she never realized it was "such a big deal," when they haven't spoken for weeks. bethenny needs to swallow her pride, admit she was wrong, and apologize to jill, but im not sure that will happen. bethenny just seems like a different person this season and i cant put my finger on it. thoughts, anyone?

ramona was pretty absent in this episode, and i didn't particularly miss her.

you know who i am missing this season? ally! where the hell is ally. i wanna be friends with ally.

next week: gloria returns!! i can hardly wait!

ill leave you with one of my favorite idiot kelly quotes from this episode:

"PETA isn't saying don't wear fur. they're saying don't abuse animals. so i'm not abusing animals, i'm just wearing fur."

repo men

the effects of our floundering economy seem to be needling their way into every aspect of our lives, from job losses, to the rising costs of caramel fraps, and now to hollywood film. what was probably intended to be a slightly thought provoking science fiction/ action flick ended up being a gory lecture on the consequences of DANGEROUS lending practices... or or!! PREDATORY corporate capitalism. am i making a pun yet? no?

the premise of the movie, in case you haven't heard, is that in the not so distant future, man has developed the technology to create artificial organs for the purpose of organ transplants. these organs are so costly that high interest loans are required to pay for them. if you get behind on your payments, you have 90 days to pay your balance. after 90 days, jude law breaks into your house, tasers you, slices you open, and "repossesses" your organs while you are still breathing, and then leaves you to die in a pool of your own blood. the missteps in logic are obvious, but lets not forget this is a movie, and perhaps, like other great works of art, we can willingly suspend our disbelief for the purpose of a greater point that is being made. this, however, is not a great work of art. the point of such a ridiculous premise is merely to see jude law's flexing biceps stab and dig through the innards of countless victim after victim. it is only until he himself, struck by the cruel hand of fate, suffers an unfortunate accident and finds himself signing his life away for a heart transplant, that he understands the plight of his victims, the irony of which is like being hit over the head with a sledgehammer.

it IS an interesting premise, and i will say that for the first act i was sufficiently entertained by the enticing set up. the problem is that it was executed with zero self-referential humor or wit. they played it too straight and literal for the movie to actually convey a point. if it had been written (and lets face it, acted) with some wit and irony, this movie could have been SATIRE. it could have made a macabre statement on our financially corrupt society. but instead, the movie took itself to damn seriously, and ended up being nothing more than what it is: a "gut wrenching" poorly rendered action flick. not to mention that it also seems to admonish the victims (aka the clients) just as much as corporations (aka the murderers), which i think is a poor statement to make and probably not what the filmmakers intended.

if you're worried that i've spoiled the whole movie for you now, don't worry. there's still at least an hour and a half left of gut splattering gore, and one plot twist i bet you saw coming a mile away. still wondering if there's any point in seeing this movie? i will give you one: jude law is a sexy, sexy man. and that's reason enough for me :)

antm cycle 14 episode 2

welcome to my new "opinion" blog, everyone! discussion including but not limited to art, books, movies, music, and of course, trashy reality television. we will be discussing today the social implications of the highly influential "america's next top model," now in its fourteenth season with some much needed changes.

i have to say as much as i love miss jay, it was time to get him off the panel and back to the runway, where he/she/it belongs. maybe the producers realized it was not only dumbing down the show, but also totally racist to have a judge who ONLY talked about ashy skin and bad weaves. but Leon André Talley! fabulous, absolutely fabulous darling. you look like courtesan! you don't know what that means? you don't know what a salon is? read a goddamn book, darling! finally, a judge with some intelligent things to say, bringing some class and REAL fashion to this silly show, darling.

so the first shoot: did anyone else feel slightly uncomfortable seeing this MUCH of the girls so early on? honestly, i felt like i needed to get to know them a little bit better before seeing their tatas and their hoo has, but maybe thats just me. i didnt agree with their pick of best/ worst photo, but what do i know. i just play trombone. here are some things i did note, however:

this photo is just eh. but the one thing that made my jaw drop the second i realized it was that THIS GIRL IS PLUS SIZE. what the WHAT??


this picture was first runner up. now lets just forget for a second that this girl with the three inch nails and anger management issues looks and dresses like a semi-decent looking drag queen in person. even without that to her disadvantage, this picture is still absolutely horrendous. i tried to find an accurate and succinct description of this photo and this is what i came up with:

ghetto farting flamingo drag queen

anyone else agree? i was thinking maybe they are keeping her on for good television, but she hardly made any appearances in this episode at all, cat fight or otherwise. so i really am lost on this one. i suspect they'll reveal she has a penis in about four episodes. bets, anyone?

so gabrielle got the ax. the show is getting way too predictable, because im pretty sure that every time a girl says she doesn't think she's gonna get cut, she gets cut. its like a bad horror movie. dont go up the stairs! dont have unwarranted confidence! after 13 seasons, havent these girls learned anything? yeesh. obviously, craz-ah alasia is the poor girl they are stringing along just so they can tell her how much she sucks later, but she is good entertainment... and she reminds me of bre (cycle 5). is it just me or do like half these girls remind me of other girls from other cycles? i think it just means i watch this show too damn much.

the american gladiators runway show (with the most absurdly 80s wardrobe and styling) was totally hilarious. it was only the next logical step for top model to start throwing obstacles into run way shows. i cant wait until it ends up like kunoichi although itll be a while before it gets to that point, because the swinging pendulum really did not seem that difficult. unless, of course, you are alexandra, who seemed to hold her arms at her sides, and tumbled like a deforested tree.

bam! my first reaction was horror. absolute horror. but then, horror moved to shock when i realized she wasn't going to get any flack for it at all. inconsistent much, judges?

then we moved to the drama portion of show, which mostly consisted of an altercation between ren (and stimpy) and craz-ah alaisa. in the beginning, i really honestly thought ren was an actress tyra had found wandering around the lot of the tyra show after a bad acid trip. but if she really is an actress, then damn, girl deserves an oscar cause she is falling apart right in front of us. and compared to other seasons, this cast is not that crazy! she needs to pull it together, because obviously alasia is just annoying, 18, and harmless. unless the rest of her pirate costume fashion statement includes a sword, in which case watch out!!


the "perfume" photo shoot made absolutely no sense, but it was not as overblown and unrealistic as some of the other top model shoots, so i didnt hate it. my friend lily was adamant that raina's pic was by far the best, but i kind of think simone's pic was underrated. i think its beautiful in a simple way without "over working it" like all the other girls seem to be doing.


it seems like after 13 seasons, tyra seems to have laid on maybe a little too much the importance of "working it" and "smizing" (barf), because so many of these pics looked like... well, like girls who have watched too much top model and not really studied fashion. but i thought simone's picture avoided the top model "clichés," which i guess are being rewarded this season.

naduah naduah naduah.... she was my fave immediately during casting. nay, she was my fave even BEFORE casting, when i just saw her pic up on the CW site. the scene where the girls were questioning her stories at first seemed like typical top model house group mentality jealousy. but then i noticed she did actually kind of suck at modeling. then i noticed her accent was GONE, like 90 percent of the episode. who from cancun has a british accent anyway??? and then when she was running around confessional in a halloween mask, i knew she had to go.


it really is the first sign that you are way too desperate for camera attention for america to like you, which means you got to go! naduah, you may be out of the cult, but you gotta get in some therapy, girl.

so who is my fave now? raina is the obvious pick, although i worry that she will turn into a "fierce face on" one note. i also worry people will start to notice that she has zero waist and the shoulders of a line backer. but she is fierce. my under dog pick is simone, because no one seems to be noticing her so far, but i think she could turn it out. we will have to wait and see. who's got go? obviously craz-ah alasia and angelea, but also tatianna (who? i know thats what you're saying) keeps squeaking by without anyone noticing her. strangely enough, people have gotten to the top 5 that way and i hope it doesn't happen again!

thats it. later nerds!