antm cycle 14 episode 2

welcome to my new "opinion" blog, everyone! discussion including but not limited to art, books, movies, music, and of course, trashy reality television. we will be discussing today the social implications of the highly influential "america's next top model," now in its fourteenth season with some much needed changes.

i have to say as much as i love miss jay, it was time to get him off the panel and back to the runway, where he/she/it belongs. maybe the producers realized it was not only dumbing down the show, but also totally racist to have a judge who ONLY talked about ashy skin and bad weaves. but Leon André Talley! fabulous, absolutely fabulous darling. you look like courtesan! you don't know what that means? you don't know what a salon is? read a goddamn book, darling! finally, a judge with some intelligent things to say, bringing some class and REAL fashion to this silly show, darling.

so the first shoot: did anyone else feel slightly uncomfortable seeing this MUCH of the girls so early on? honestly, i felt like i needed to get to know them a little bit better before seeing their tatas and their hoo has, but maybe thats just me. i didnt agree with their pick of best/ worst photo, but what do i know. i just play trombone. here are some things i did note, however:

this photo is just eh. but the one thing that made my jaw drop the second i realized it was that THIS GIRL IS PLUS SIZE. what the WHAT??


this picture was first runner up. now lets just forget for a second that this girl with the three inch nails and anger management issues looks and dresses like a semi-decent looking drag queen in person. even without that to her disadvantage, this picture is still absolutely horrendous. i tried to find an accurate and succinct description of this photo and this is what i came up with:

ghetto farting flamingo drag queen

anyone else agree? i was thinking maybe they are keeping her on for good television, but she hardly made any appearances in this episode at all, cat fight or otherwise. so i really am lost on this one. i suspect they'll reveal she has a penis in about four episodes. bets, anyone?

so gabrielle got the ax. the show is getting way too predictable, because im pretty sure that every time a girl says she doesn't think she's gonna get cut, she gets cut. its like a bad horror movie. dont go up the stairs! dont have unwarranted confidence! after 13 seasons, havent these girls learned anything? yeesh. obviously, craz-ah alasia is the poor girl they are stringing along just so they can tell her how much she sucks later, but she is good entertainment... and she reminds me of bre (cycle 5). is it just me or do like half these girls remind me of other girls from other cycles? i think it just means i watch this show too damn much.

the american gladiators runway show (with the most absurdly 80s wardrobe and styling) was totally hilarious. it was only the next logical step for top model to start throwing obstacles into run way shows. i cant wait until it ends up like kunoichi although itll be a while before it gets to that point, because the swinging pendulum really did not seem that difficult. unless, of course, you are alexandra, who seemed to hold her arms at her sides, and tumbled like a deforested tree.

bam! my first reaction was horror. absolute horror. but then, horror moved to shock when i realized she wasn't going to get any flack for it at all. inconsistent much, judges?

then we moved to the drama portion of show, which mostly consisted of an altercation between ren (and stimpy) and craz-ah alaisa. in the beginning, i really honestly thought ren was an actress tyra had found wandering around the lot of the tyra show after a bad acid trip. but if she really is an actress, then damn, girl deserves an oscar cause she is falling apart right in front of us. and compared to other seasons, this cast is not that crazy! she needs to pull it together, because obviously alasia is just annoying, 18, and harmless. unless the rest of her pirate costume fashion statement includes a sword, in which case watch out!!


the "perfume" photo shoot made absolutely no sense, but it was not as overblown and unrealistic as some of the other top model shoots, so i didnt hate it. my friend lily was adamant that raina's pic was by far the best, but i kind of think simone's pic was underrated. i think its beautiful in a simple way without "over working it" like all the other girls seem to be doing.


it seems like after 13 seasons, tyra seems to have laid on maybe a little too much the importance of "working it" and "smizing" (barf), because so many of these pics looked like... well, like girls who have watched too much top model and not really studied fashion. but i thought simone's picture avoided the top model "clichés," which i guess are being rewarded this season.

naduah naduah naduah.... she was my fave immediately during casting. nay, she was my fave even BEFORE casting, when i just saw her pic up on the CW site. the scene where the girls were questioning her stories at first seemed like typical top model house group mentality jealousy. but then i noticed she did actually kind of suck at modeling. then i noticed her accent was GONE, like 90 percent of the episode. who from cancun has a british accent anyway??? and then when she was running around confessional in a halloween mask, i knew she had to go.


it really is the first sign that you are way too desperate for camera attention for america to like you, which means you got to go! naduah, you may be out of the cult, but you gotta get in some therapy, girl.

so who is my fave now? raina is the obvious pick, although i worry that she will turn into a "fierce face on" one note. i also worry people will start to notice that she has zero waist and the shoulders of a line backer. but she is fierce. my under dog pick is simone, because no one seems to be noticing her so far, but i think she could turn it out. we will have to wait and see. who's got go? obviously craz-ah alasia and angelea, but also tatianna (who? i know thats what you're saying) keeps squeaking by without anyone noticing her. strangely enough, people have gotten to the top 5 that way and i hope it doesn't happen again!

thats it. later nerds!