antm cycle 14 episode 3

this week's episode returned to the usual top model challenge/ photo shoot format, which was actually kind of disappointing because it also marked a return to the painfully obvious post-production editing "foreshadowing". i dont think we heard a single interview that wasn't from the bottom four this week (ren, brenda, anslee, and simone). it was obvious throughout the episode that ren and stimp-- i mean brenda were going to be in the bottom two, anslee was going to be close to the bottom because she needed to punished for being such a b this week, and simone just wants it soooo bad, so they had to make things a little harder for her (i still love her though).

so the show opens (after the obligatory opening interviews with ren and stimp-- i mean brenda, who we know right away will later be the bottom two), with a fashion trivia game show hosted by the fabulous toccara, who btw is nowhere near plus size anymore, but damn, girl looks good! i usually hate challenges on top model, but that's because they're usually ridiculous, like relay races through walmart or maneuvering through laser beams in a faux bank vault. this seemed pretty obviously relevant though, and was also entertaining, especially since the questions were so easy that even i could shout out the answers. go me! the winners got some money to spend at bluefly.com, as well as a go-see to be in the bluefly spring campaign. among the winning group were simone, who killed it and won the challenge, and angelea, who is doing well in the competition i think because the judges are on acid. seriously. i can think of no other explanation. but we'll get to that later. in the meantime, angelea's poses at the go-see made me snort my dinner. i couldn't get a screenshot for this entry, but if you didn't notice, go back and watch again.

the drama portion of the episode mostly centered around ren saying how much she DIDN'T like drama, while simultaneously creating it. even though she talks and acts like she's been sedated with horse tranquilizers, i kinda thought she had a chance. i mean her picture last week was fierce (hey, as long as i'm blogging about top model, i can use that word, ok??). but this episode, she just stank whiny teenager. i mean cmon, the "meee... and my mooom don't like....get along" made me want the pre-therapy angelea to throw some beer in her face.

for a second, i thought the "dance" photoshoot was going to be like one of the many disastrous dance challenges on top model, but luckily it only involved using dance as inspiration, and not actually dancing. because one thing we've learned from top model is that models cannot dance for shit. so anyway, from the pics on the CW site, it looks like there was an entire scene where the girls were being taught their dances, and it looked pretty entertaining. i would have much rather watched that than be put to sleep by ren's whining.


but instead, we skipped straight to the shoot, during which jay was particularly tough. i found it a little difficult to watch after a while. did anyone else notice that nearly every girl needed a little post-production wardrobe malfunction blur coverup? i wonder if you just can't show cleavage on network television anymore. before we get to the shots, can we just talk for a second about tyra's outfit this week.


ok. is this her response to lady gaga? maybe it's her secret desire to be a race other than what she is. whatever the reason, this tapered, flesh-tone space pajama jump suit may be the worst thing we've seen her wear on top model, and that's saying something.

on to the photos. everything seemed on it's head this week. up was down, left was right, alasia was good, simone was bad, what is happening??? angelea seems to be escaping the wrath of editors, otherwise im sure we would see some more buffalo-style profanity. what we do see, however, is that she is having a very hard time with bangs (and ps. angelea, if its a weave you can't grow them out), and that someone in top model wardrobe hates her:


if i saw this girl at a punk show, i think i would throw her into an actual mosh pit, just to see how those stilletos hold up against steel toed doc martins. but the shoes aren't nearly as offensive as the top hat. is this really what people in fashion think of as punk rock? styling aside (which is not her fault, unless she really did piss off her wardrobe stylist), i still am not taking the same drugs the judges are to see what they see in this girl. someone mentioned this episode that jessica is too skinny. um look at that whacked out arm!! not to mention her face also looks completely skeletal. and honey, even clenching your weak little fists won't hide the fact that you have man hands.

still, the judges and i are in agreement on worst pic this week, and that goes to ren (ok random side note: after thinking once again that my spell checker is on crack, i learned that "agreeance" is not an actual word. in fact, according to urban dictionary its what stupid people say instead of agreement. i need to read more).


this is a dance move i am unfamiliar with. oh wait! its totally "the roof! the roof! the roof is on fire!" probably not the one she was going for. poor girl was only doing this for her mom's approval, but i can think of a few more things my mom would want me to do besides top model.

there were some decent photos this week, but that's not nearly as entertaining to write about, and i am kind of avoiding eating my words about alasia. im not sold, but she did make some serious progress and pulled out a good photo despite a really strange dress. what was up with wardrobe this week??


next week: ugh is vamp still cool? i live out of the country so it's hard to keep up, but i really thought that fad would have passed by now. looking forward to some very cheesy/ hokey vampire gimmicks. night, all!